Very recently i lost a good friend of many years to cancer. A reputed chef, her untimely passing away at a young age after a brave, long fight understandably triggered huge upheaval of emotions setting many a tear rolling among friends, family and relatives. And i know that with time we will all have to go back to our routine with fond memories as soothing companions.
I started penning articles for TOI’s Speaking Tree column five years ago. And the very first piece had been on preparing ourselves for death; our own and that of our near and dear ones. And each of the over two dozen articles that followed reflected on why and how we could go about it.
We seem to spend the gift of our intellectual capacity preparing meticulously for everything in our lives. Many of these plans are futuristic and by nature steeped in uncertainties. However, we never seem to display the same intelligence in preparing for what will be a certainty one day. ‘I will handle it when it comes’ some say bravely. And when the time actually comes upon us, it is just too late and we are hopelessly unprepared, torturing ourselves and those around us with raging emotions of denial, anger, helplessness, despair, grief and fear. We beg and bargain for ‘just a little more time’ which seldom comes our way.
The first question that begs us is: Why do we hurt ourselves like this? The reason is simply because we want to. We never seem to learn from the numerous examples around us. We attend a few discourses, read a few books on spirituality, make some resolutions and having done so we feel nice about ourselves and then soon forget about it until the next calamity comes knocking. This becomes a pattern all our life. It has become our habit to keep falling into the same manhole again and again deliberately. We see the impending danger of unpreparedness, but we still fall prey to it. And each time in that darkness we are lonely, confused and afraid. And the biggest mistake we make is to believe that there is someone out there who will bail us out someday! That some kind soul will come along and dispel all our fears, anxieties and confusion and upload all reassurances and wisdom into us in an instant! Nothing can be further from the truth.
The next obvious question is: Can we do better? And the good news is ‘ofcourse we can’! And for accomplishing this, there are mere three pre-requisites: renunciate our old ways, habitual negative mental patterns that have time and again caused us and others great pain and misery, generate kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others alike because we are entitled to be happy and so are others and above all have faith and trust in the teachings, methods and practices of the tradition we follow. Doing so with deep aspiration, perseverance and diligence will enable us to move from merely intellectually understanding the teachings – which no doubt is important but not effective enough - towards taking effect by entering our mind stream every moment. Liberating ourselves from the many streams of suffering will certainly follow. We can indeed walk around the manhole, only if we dare to set our mind to it with elegance. To my mind there is absolutely no doubt about that. ‘One who conquers the world is great indeed; but one who conquers his mind is the greatest of them all’, quotes the Bhagwad Gita.
As Buddhist i can only say that The Way has been clearly laid out before us by Siddhartha. With infinite compassion he has shown us the path. What more can we ask for? It is for us to seek it out and rejoice in walking it. We have to create the causes, conditions and factors that results in an end to every kind of suffering, especially those originating from our mind. Friends, like it or not, Buddhist or not, believer or not, the fact is that the entire journey that brings us results is a ‘do it yourself’ kit
Life asked Death: Why do people love me but hate you?
Death replied: Because you are a beautiful lie and i am an ugly truth.
I really hope that the unfortunate passing away of my friend can inspire me to work harder on the path. I also pray that the incident will get all those close to her to do the same.
I started penning articles for TOI’s Speaking Tree column five years ago. And the very first piece had been on preparing ourselves for death; our own and that of our near and dear ones. And each of the over two dozen articles that followed reflected on why and how we could go about it.
We seem to spend the gift of our intellectual capacity preparing meticulously for everything in our lives. Many of these plans are futuristic and by nature steeped in uncertainties. However, we never seem to display the same intelligence in preparing for what will be a certainty one day. ‘I will handle it when it comes’ some say bravely. And when the time actually comes upon us, it is just too late and we are hopelessly unprepared, torturing ourselves and those around us with raging emotions of denial, anger, helplessness, despair, grief and fear. We beg and bargain for ‘just a little more time’ which seldom comes our way.
The first question that begs us is: Why do we hurt ourselves like this? The reason is simply because we want to. We never seem to learn from the numerous examples around us. We attend a few discourses, read a few books on spirituality, make some resolutions and having done so we feel nice about ourselves and then soon forget about it until the next calamity comes knocking. This becomes a pattern all our life. It has become our habit to keep falling into the same manhole again and again deliberately. We see the impending danger of unpreparedness, but we still fall prey to it. And each time in that darkness we are lonely, confused and afraid. And the biggest mistake we make is to believe that there is someone out there who will bail us out someday! That some kind soul will come along and dispel all our fears, anxieties and confusion and upload all reassurances and wisdom into us in an instant! Nothing can be further from the truth.
The next obvious question is: Can we do better? And the good news is ‘ofcourse we can’! And for accomplishing this, there are mere three pre-requisites: renunciate our old ways, habitual negative mental patterns that have time and again caused us and others great pain and misery, generate kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others alike because we are entitled to be happy and so are others and above all have faith and trust in the teachings, methods and practices of the tradition we follow. Doing so with deep aspiration, perseverance and diligence will enable us to move from merely intellectually understanding the teachings – which no doubt is important but not effective enough - towards taking effect by entering our mind stream every moment. Liberating ourselves from the many streams of suffering will certainly follow. We can indeed walk around the manhole, only if we dare to set our mind to it with elegance. To my mind there is absolutely no doubt about that. ‘One who conquers the world is great indeed; but one who conquers his mind is the greatest of them all’, quotes the Bhagwad Gita.
As Buddhist i can only say that The Way has been clearly laid out before us by Siddhartha. With infinite compassion he has shown us the path. What more can we ask for? It is for us to seek it out and rejoice in walking it. We have to create the causes, conditions and factors that results in an end to every kind of suffering, especially those originating from our mind. Friends, like it or not, Buddhist or not, believer or not, the fact is that the entire journey that brings us results is a ‘do it yourself’ kit
Life asked Death: Why do people love me but hate you?
Death replied: Because you are a beautiful lie and i am an ugly truth.
I really hope that the unfortunate passing away of my friend can inspire me to work harder on the path. I also pray that the incident will get all those close to her to do the same.
