LOVE AND ATTACHMENT: Clear the Confusion

A young student of mine wrote to me recently and enquired: “Is getting attached to anyone or anything bad? What is the difference between attachment and habit?” It is not an uncommon question she has asked. A lot many times i have faced this question therefore i believe the need is greater to understand the difference.


Here’s my explanation:


According to Buddhist definition, there is a distinction to be made between loving someone or something and being attached to it. For this, fundamentally we must understand the difference between 'attachment' and 'love/loving kindness'.


Attachment is based on desire - not necessarily limited to sexual – but one which is grasping in nature based on the ignorant state that things and people are permanent. Attachment is conditional love and is discriminatory in nature. This means that there is a pre-condition set in order to offer love eg: if the judgemental mind establishes a ‘closeness’ to someone or something then we tend to cling to it or grasp at it more and at times don’t seem to get enough of it! If not then we are less interested in it and may even begin to dislike or hate it. There is an ‘if-then’ conditionality linked to it. Attachment is based on 'object' of love arising from a selfish perspective of ‘i alone want to be happy’. There is an action we offer based on ‘subject-object’ duality. Attachment is binding. For these reasons attachment is based on wrong or impure consciousness. Attachment is a non-virtuous, afflictive or contaminated emotion (akushala bhava) leading to negative karma and suffering.


Nature does not support attachment. A tree is not attached to the flower or fruit it bears. Nor does the flower or fruit show any such tendency. On ripening, there is a spontaneous release from both. Same is the case in the animal kingdom. A tigress loves her cub no less than any mother would love her child; but once the cub is sufficiently grown up to fend for itself, there is natural and spontaneous release from the tigress and cub.


Love or loving kindness on the other hand is based on understanding of impermanence. That something which is born will pass away and hence there is need and reason to love. This emotion is desireless for any reason whatsoever. It is unconditional and non-discriminatory i.e. there is no pre-condition of 'if-then' at play here. Much the same way as a mother loves her child unconditionally. It is based on 'reason' for love arising from the basis that it’s not just me alone but all beings who want to be happy and not be in suffering; and therefore need our affection. Love is releasing. For these reasons it is seen to be coming from right or pure consciousness or we can say, mindful consciousness. Sanskrit words used often here are 'karuna' or ‘metta’ (compassion, kindness) or 'maitri' (friendliness, affection). Loving kindness is a virtuous, non-afflictive or uncontaminated emotion (kushala bhava) that leads to joy and positive karmic result.


So, it is therefore clear that any and every kind of relationship should have a close bonding for one another based on love/loving kindness as explained above, care must be taken that the contamination of attachment does not seep in. This maintains the purity of the relationship which becomes stronger, long lasting and capable of weathering many a storm.


Attachment is therefore a kind of emotion that needs to be purified and be replaced with its positive counterpart, that of loving kindness. There is danger of attachment becoming a habit if we are not careful to see the difference.


Go on, expand your heart out to other beings! Have a kind heart every moment. "Show kindness whenever possible. It is always possible." says H.H. The Dalai Lama.

PASSING AWAY OF A TEACHER - Lessons to Learn

Routine life at the Namdroling Monastery near Mysore (popularly known as ‘The Golden Temple’) in South India may just be returning back to normal, as i write this. On the auspicious 13th Day of the Fourth Month of Saka Dawa, 2140 Royal Tibetan Year (23rd May) saw the cremation ceremony proceedings of the Kudung Zhugbul (offering of the holy body to fire) of His Holiness Drubwang Padma Norbu Rinpoche. He was one of Tibetan Buddhism’s greatest masters in recent times, the founder and nurturer of this monastery in India and the third supreme head of the Ngagyur Nyingma tradition.


Thousands of faithfuls, lay practitioners and monks, both local and global, attended the ceremony for which immaculate arrangements were made in astonishingly short time. As the ceremony was of great significance, it saw many a high Lama arrive from all over the world. I consider it a treasure trove to be able to meet them and be blessed by their compassion and inspired with their wisdom.


One such teacher we met was the articulate Changling Tulku Rinpoche a resident of Shechen Monastery in Nepal who frequently travels to teach Dharma. He shared with us two important lessons we ought to learn from the passing away of our teacher no matter how sad and heavy hearted we may feel at the loss. Here’s a gist of it: Fundamentally there are two types of teachers. At the relative level is the physical form of the ‘guru’ who imparts teachings and shows us the path based on valid reasoning so that we discover the two obscurations and other negative states that cloud our mind bringing pain and suffering to us and others and to and find ways in which we can do away with them. And having created this space, s/he is also the one who simultaneously helps long lasting valuable and positive qualities to germinate, develop and blossom within us. Having been shown the way skilfully and through impartial compassion by the external form of the teacher it is left to us to take it or leave it. We must now depend on our own sincere study and practices based on right view, attitude and conduct to tame and train our mind in order to reveal its purified perfect nature so that it becomes our protector. In short, we have to take support of the ultimate teacher i.e. ourselves. The Buddha said “Be your own protector, who else could protect you” (Tibetan: “Dagni dagi gon yin gi; shen ni suchik gon do jur”)


The next lesson Rinpoche stressed on was that of letting us realize the nature of impermanence of everything that take birth. We tend to believe things around us are permanent and tend to cling on to them. It is only through understanding the prospect of death that we avoid the danger of clinging and grasping. Thus, the passing away of the teacher comes as a strong reminder to us of the ever presence of death around us and the futility of clinging on to anything, including the strong tendency to cling to our teacher. “Gangza-la mi-ton choe-la ton” say the teachings in Tibetan (“Repose trust in the teachings; not on the teacher”).


With these short yet very important teachings, the small group of us Indian practitioners came back somewhat wiser.

LETS WALK AROUND THE MANHOLE - Tribute to a Friend

Very recently i lost a good friend of many years to cancer. A reputed chef, her untimely passing away at a young age after a brave, long fight understandably triggered huge upheaval of emotions setting many a tear rolling among friends, family and relatives. And i know that with time we will all have to go back to our routine with fond memories as soothing companions.


I started penning articles for TOI’s Speaking Tree column five years ago. And the very first piece had been on preparing ourselves for death; our own and that of our near and dear ones. And each of the over two dozen articles that followed reflected on why and how we could go about it.


We seem to spend the gift of our intellectual capacity preparing meticulously for everything in our lives. Many of these plans are futuristic and by nature steeped in uncertainties. However, we never seem to display the same intelligence in preparing for what will be a certainty one day. ‘I will handle it when it comes’ some say bravely. And when the time actually comes upon us, it is just too late and we are hopelessly unprepared, torturing ourselves and those around us with raging emotions of denial, anger, helplessness, despair, grief and fear. We beg and bargain for ‘just a little more time’ which seldom comes our way.


The first question that begs us is: Why do we hurt ourselves like this? The reason is simply because we want to. We never seem to learn from the numerous examples around us. We attend a few discourses, read a few books on spirituality, make some resolutions and having done so we feel nice about ourselves and then soon forget about it until the next calamity comes knocking. This becomes a pattern all our life. It has become our habit to keep falling into the same manhole again and again deliberately. We see the impending danger of unpreparedness, but we still fall prey to it. And each time in that darkness we are lonely, confused and afraid. And the biggest mistake we make is to believe that there is someone out there who will bail us out someday! That some kind soul will come along and dispel all our fears, anxieties and confusion and upload all reassurances and wisdom into us in an instant! Nothing can be further from the truth.


The next obvious question is: Can we do better? And the good news is ‘ofcourse we can’! And for accomplishing this, there are mere three pre-requisites: renunciate our old ways, habitual negative mental patterns that have time and again caused us and others great pain and misery, generate kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others alike because we are entitled to be happy and so are others and above all have faith and trust in the teachings, methods and practices of the tradition we follow. Doing so with deep aspiration, perseverance and diligence will enable us to move from merely intellectually understanding the teachings – which no doubt is important but not effective enough - towards taking effect by entering our mind stream every moment. Liberating ourselves from the many streams of suffering will certainly follow. We can indeed walk around the manhole, only if we dare to set our mind to it with elegance. To my mind there is absolutely no doubt about that. ‘One who conquers the world is great indeed; but one who conquers his mind is the greatest of them all’, quotes the Bhagwad Gita.


As Buddhist i can only say that The Way has been clearly laid out before us by Siddhartha. With infinite compassion he has shown us the path. What more can we ask for? It is for us to seek it out and rejoice in walking it. We have to create the causes, conditions and factors that results in an end to every kind of suffering, especially those originating from our mind. Friends, like it or not, Buddhist or not, believer or not, the fact is that the entire journey that brings us results is a ‘do it yourself’ kit


Life asked Death: Why do people love me but hate you?
Death replied: Because you are a beautiful lie and i am an ugly truth.


I really hope that the unfortunate passing away of my friend can inspire me to work harder on the path. I also pray that the incident will get all those close to her to do the same.

Back from retreat...

...at Namdroling Monastery, Bylakuppe, Kushalnagar, Mysore. A month long strenuous routine, physically and mentally. Based on Vajrayana-Tantrayana tradition. Grateful to the precious teachers who transmitted teachings and imparted practice with great wisdom and compassion for the benefit of all beings. May all unfavorable conditions for all beings be reversed,

UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS

Speaking Tree paper, 10.03.2013.


We are all quite aware of what emotions are. We seem to encounter them everyday within ourselves and in people we may meet with. We know that emerging emotions can be either positive or negative. But it would be surprising if you were told that emotions by nature are not positive or negative. They are simply upsurge of energy of the mind. How we transform this energy as seen or unseen manifestation turn out to become positive or negative experience of our emotions.


Ofcourse all experiences of emotions are not unpleasant. Some of the finest creative expressions of art, dance, poetry, theatre have been as a result of manifesting emotions. Also if experiences of mind energy transform into positive experiences every time then there is no discussion really. No one really complains about positive experiences! But experience tells us that this is not always the case. Some powerful upsurge of energy has seen the most ugly and brutal manifestation since time immemorial. In Hinayana tradition emotions are seen to be something quite destructive, dangerous to us and others and therefore to be avoided like an enemy. In Mahayana tradition these same experiences of emotions can be seen as something beneficial that can be worked upon with skill and transformed to our advantage on the path of enlightenment. By understanding them better we can develop some kind of antidotes to our negative emotions. In this tradition passion is transformed into experience of compassion. In Vajrayana tradition of Buddhism emotions are to be neither accepted nor rejected. But when they arise the practices teach us to look directly at their true state and pierce the heart of this energy to see their true nature.


To be able to get a hold of our emotions - especially negative ones - and trying to understand them some simple tools like those mentioned here can be applied. As one such negative emotion arises (kleshas of passion, aggression, pride and envy arising from ignorance) we try to recognize it and having done so we create a sort of ‘distance’ between us and the arising emotion. It means that we just feel the arising energy without referencing it to the object it has been directed at. This may requires some time and some skill. As Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche succinctly puts it: “It is like handling a poisonous snake! We must act with the objective that we don’t want to kill the snake but merely extract its venom. So therefore, we mindfully create a gap between us and the arising emotion and work with it skilfully, with care, precise discipline and lot of heart like an expert snake catcher. Else there is a danger of mis-handling. We develop a relationship and communication with this arising energy of emotion. We then see these emotions as something useful and transform their poison into medicine. When we develop a relationship with our emotions they relate to us differently.”


As a next step we try and ‘clearly see’ in this gap that we have created between the emotion and us. To begin with we investigate what are the dominant emotions in us and which are the weaker ones. Then we contemplate on how or why they manifest and what is it that triggers them off. Finally we identify their frequency of arising in a day, duration of their ‘stay’ and speed of arising, if gradual or sudden. Then we try and do some quick fact-finding. How (not ‘why’) did it happen? Just seeing that it did happen without giving any reasons for it. Without applying any kind of subject-object duality, we just remain in a state that it did happen. As a last step we just let this arisen energy to go. Just letting it pass away. Not pushing it out or purging it out of our system but just naturally allowing it to go without making an attempt to engage it. As this mind energy by nature is self-liberating it will go off on its own only if we allow it to go. With this release, we just relax. A quiet stroll or steady breathing allows the disturbed physical parameters also to normalize.


Needless to mention this must be done in the calm abiding state of ‘shamatha’ in the laboratory of our meditative sessions with technical perfection and lot of heart involved into it. Then whatever little realization we can get from generating awareness of our emotions will be profound and can be applied to day to day situations to learn from them. Increased awareness of emotions reduces their activity. Even if we show little progress every passing week it means that we are benefitting and we can rejoice! Important thing is to be able to tell ourselves openly ‘yes, i want to give it an honest try and change my negative habits and/or emotions’.


This is a simple way to get over our negativities which harm us and others alike. Certainly there are profoundly advanced practices such as Mahamudra (Kagyu lineage) and Dzogchen (Nyingma lineage) wherein self-liberation of emotion happens alongwith the arising energy itself. Dzogchen practice says: ‘Emotions are primordially free and there is no ground or basis for their liberation. They are self-liberating. When we penetrate the experience of emotion we will not find emotion but pure and naked awareness there without any philosophical, religious clothing.’

MEDITATION RETREAT 5-6TH JAN 2013, PUNE

SUCCESSFUL RETREAT!

Group for the Outreach of Omniscient Dharma (G.O.O.D) Ref: MTTS-2/MED RET


Dear Friend, In November 2012, G.O.O.D started the “Mind Transformation Master Series" with the intent of bringing Nalanda wisdom,

traditions and practice into our work/life. In continuation, we now invite you to the 2-day Meditation Retreat led by Khenpo Sonam Tsewang.


It is indeed a very rare opportunity to learn and practice Tibetan Buddhist meditation methods with someone like Khenpo Sonam (in pic), a highly learned and accomplished Professor of Buddhism. “The gift of learning to meditate is the greatest gift you can give yourself in this life. It transcends the dogma of all religions yet is the essence of religions” - Sogyal Rinpoche.


If you would like to attend, please email for details on Lamagirish@gmail.com. There are limited places (30seats), so you are requested to confirm as soon as possible. The retreat will be held in Aundh.


PROGRAM BRIEF: Timings: The session timings will be as under:- 5th Jan: 10am to 12.30pm (1st session) and 2pm to 5pm (2nd session) 6th Jan: 10am to 1pm (one session) Donation: Suggested donation is Rs. 400/- per participant. Includes complimentary ‘khata’ (silk scarf) offering for Khenpo. (Topics: Logic of Compasssion, Bodhichitta & Nature of Negative Emotions. Alongwith teachings we will practice 'Shamatha' or Calm Abiding meditation.)
Venue: Sakal Charity Trust Hall, Sakal Nagar, Baner Rd., AUNDH.


Prior registration is a must for participation! NO WALK IN'S PLEASE. Be good. Team G.O.O.D.

Birthday Celebration– To Do Or Not To Do Is The Question

A few days have passed since it’s been fifty years of my existence in this life. Prior to the D-day, my family was quite excited, which seemed normal, as some kind of significance is usually attached to this number. And so plans were offered and i was made to choose guest list and stuff like that. It was when i flatly refused any kind of celebration, that hell broke loose. Almost everyone at home came for my jugular! All sorts of ‘kind’ words were chucked at me – most of them not quite polite to reproduce here - but i endured through it all, until their storms passed. And then i was asked to explain my stand. “Ah! How i wish this option was given before brewing up the storm”, i thought to myself silently.


And this is what i had to offer to them. It is for you, dear reader, to contemplate upon and make a choice for yourself. This is the view of good Dharma practitioners. Beginning with the process of birth, we must indeed be grateful to our parents to have this precious human life bestowed upon us. It gives us great opportunity to whip up a spiritual trajectory unknown to any other life form. However, if we contemplate upon the process of child birth itself and the great suffering the child and mother have to undergo, we will realize that celebrating the day of birth would be like celebrating intense suffering. And this is the first of the four noble truths that Siddhartha realized. The suffering of birth. While Siddhartha examined the Four Truths in the context of ultimate liberation we are attempting to understand it here in the relative context of this life.


Moving into our growing years, all of us have accumulated all kinds of karma on account of our actions of body, speech, thoughts and emotions driven by various intensities of aversion and attraction . These include some good and virtuous ones and others bad and non-virtuous ones. Knowingly or unknowingly we have done it and even if we don’t remember each one of them, the fact that we have done them cannot be denied. The good deeds, if they were not contaminated by ambition, pride or competition would certainly accrue to the credit side of our ‘balance sheet’ if the merit accumulated from them were dedicated to others and not retained with us. The bad deeds will surely rest in the debit side and we must simply endure them unless we can find a way to purify, heal and transform them through certain practices to somewhat lessen their effect. So, it would be wise in attempting to understand this. If we have been engaged in realizing this and actually doing something about it, that’s fine otherwise celebrating our birthday would be like celebrating accumulation of years of misdeeds on others and ourselves and the misery they will bring on us in this life and rebirths ahead.


Some may argue that by celebrating our birthday we celebrate completion of another year of our life. This is right but if we think further and thin slice the year and our good fortune of being alive, we could bring in down to one day or just one breath. So we can really celebrate every day or every breath of ours! There is a saying in Tibetan Buddhist teachings which goes like this: “Our next day or our next life which will come first we can never say.”


For a real practitioner s/he is always trying to be free of every kind of desire or attachment. So, is there really much wisdom in staying attached to the day or year of our birth which occurred so many years ago and from which we are moving away with every passing day? If we think so, the question then beckons us is ‘Are we really succeeding in our practice?’


Lastly, for any person, whether or not a practitioner, realization at the time of death is most powerful. It is in these final moments of life that the true nature of our mind is revealed to us. What we really are and what we have instead been all our life comes across to us in stark clarity. This is unavoidable and no matter how we meet our end these images flash across our mind before the perfectly pristine nature of mind is revealed to us. It is the difference in practice that enables us to recognize it or miss it, thereby determining the quality of our re-birth. By that comparison, there is no realization in the infant at birth. It is precisely for this reason passing away (parinirvana) of realized masters is celebrated with prayers, donations and offerings rather than their date of birth.


Therefore, we can easily see the futility of celebrating our birthday a manner in which it is celebrated conventionally. And what i find most amusing of such celebrations is the western concept of blowing out candles! Transcending all religions, paths and traditions, it is widely accepted that lighting a candle is symbolic of dispelling darkness of ignorance in our minds and ushering in the light of wisdom. It may also be to invoke the element of fire which represents the mind's quality of clarity, fire is that element which supports the thermal system of our body and is that element also which controls the sense of sight. But, what can the blowing out of candles be symbolic of?


However, if we want to celebrate our birthday meaningfully, it would be wise to do so by doing community work, donating some money, food or clothes or any act of generosity towards those who are deprived of it and not as fortunate as we have been; and then sealing the action by dedicating the merit so accumulated for the wellness of the recipients of our generous gesture or our near and dear ones or to all sentient beings. The amount we donate is really irrelevant but what is extremely relevant is the heart’s pure intent and uncontaminated motivation of the mind behind it.


Have a happy and meaningful birthday!